Women are Complicated...

Hysterically, someone asked me for some suggestions on women.  Well, I may have told that person that they have no idea what they are doing when it comes to women and that they needed some help.  Although, I didn't really think I was the person that should provide the advice. 

So, here goes nothing in my favorite format, a numbered list. 

1. Tell a girl she is pretty, even when she is a mess.  We know we look like ish at 6am with mascara under our eyes, but if you tell her that she cute, you might get lucky and she'll make you eggs. Tell her how sexy she looks when she get all dressed up to go out to the club (and then remind her why she's coming home to you). 
2. Feed her. When she's had a long day, it’s rainy outside, and you beat her home - making grilled cheese* and tomato soup is a bazillion times more endearing than ordering take-out.
3. If you’re dating (or engaged, or married really), let her wear your hoodie.  It smells like you and it’s comfy and probably 2 sizes too big, but that isn’t the point.
4. Make it Facebook official.  Your relationship status doesn’t have to say that you’re dating, or even that it’s complicated (which it probably is), just post something that she will know means you’re thinking about her.  If you told her you’d take her out for Chinese food, make your status say you can’t wait for Chinese food on Friday night.  She'll know you’re thinking about her, and your boys won’t call you out for being lame. 
5. Text her.  Sort of like Facebook official, just say hi and let her know you’re thinking about her.  It’ll keep her from crazy stalking you and why wouldn’t you want to send her a text just to say hi?  I know, more effort than most men want, but it will get you closer to your end game anyway. 
6. Let her be herself.  But, push her out of her comfort zone.  I know, women are a walking contradiction.  If you know she likes wine, take her out to a winery. Even if she don’t really like being outdoors, ask her to go on a nature walk if that’s your thing.  I’m not saying that Carrie Bradshaw and Survivorman would be a good fit, but if you agree to take a walk rather than hike up a mountain, it could be a great afternoon for both people. 
7. Do.not.make.sex.jokes.  It’ll happen when it happens.  When you’re both ready for it to happen.  This is not high school, do not poor Zima down her throat and expect her to peel off her clothes/let you do it for her and have sex in the shower.  If she does, she's not worth your time and please move on and find a woman who makes you do #1 several times before she actually sleeps with you. 
8. When she needs you to, hold her.  There will be days, hours, minutes, moments where you can't make it right or make the hurt stop.  She needs someone sensitive and supportive, yet strong enough for both of you. Pour her a glass of wine, give her your hoodie (see 3), and hold her tight. It's like being 4 and having a nightmare, sometimes all it takes is a tight squeeze and a kiss on the forehead to make the world seem right again. 
9. Give her space.  I know, I just told you to do all of these sweet and kind things for her.  But there is a reason that the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" exists.  Remember that you don't need to spend every waking moment together, even when you want to.  Go for a run with the boys, go for a drink with coworkers, have dinner with your mom.  You will be better people together if you are strong and independent people separately. 
10. Be the man your Mom raised you to be. Thar hard working woman that raised you, taught you right from wrong, and how to tie your shoes.  The sacrifices she made for you will not be for naught.  Bring home the girl that you know will help your mom in the kitchen, pull weeds with your dad, and build legos with your nephew.  If you family can't get along with her, there is probably a reason behind it.  Most people don't hate others just for the hell of it.  

There are some awesome suggestions via Esquire Magazine (not that I read the whole thing, but I agree with all of the things a man should be at age 27).

And, Good Luck.   

*completely unrelated - do you call it grilled cheese or toasted cheese?