Mom: Things I Need to Remember

This post will likely be meaningful for only 2 people (myself and Christopher), maybe 10 if you include family.  Nevertheless, these are words I need to write, and that is what is most important right now.

My mom's memorial service was beautiful.  There were stories told that I have heard 100 times (Jessica was born, Jessica had jaundice, Jon went racing the next day), and stories I had never heard before (my mom's bachelorette party where they did shots out of some guy's trunk).  The memories and stories of friends and family were the things that would carry them through the hard times. I have so many stories, laughs, and moments with my mom that I don't ever want to forget. Some good, some bad, some just because they involve her. On the advice of my mom's cousin, I bought a gorgeous leather covered notebook yesterday.  I'm going to use this book to write down important things I need to remember and things I want to tell her, the moments she can't be here to celebrate.

The "Good Morning Glory" is a story I think everyone has heard at this point.  If I had to explain to someone new in my life who my Mom was in one telling, this would be it.  The mommy that started a tradition when I was a baby, and continued it through the year I turned 27.  But really, every single morning I woke up for school, or came downstairs on a Sunday she would say "Good Morning Glory". Through stubborn high school days, sick days, college, and my professional career.  When I left for college, every morning when I woke up to check my IUP email (at least on her workdays), there would be an email waiting for me - and the message something like this:

Good Morning Glory, I hope you have a great Monday! I know you'll do great on your history exam, and I hope your knee feels better after Saturday's fall. 

And then when I got a grown-up job, she sent me the same email every workday, even when she knew I was off.  There are hundreds of sent and received emails with subject lines of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday #2, & Friday.  Yes, Thursday #2, lest one of us be confused or forget that we had two topics of conversation going via something she forgot to send in the first email of the day. She sent those emails through the anxious days when Chris was so close to coming home that we didn't speak of it, and simply emailed that morning with:

Good Morning Glory, Have a good day, Love, Mom

I haven't found the perfect photo yet, but I am going to get my first tattoo before the end of the year.  And that tattoo will be similar to the photo below (less greenery), of a Morning Glory flower.  This is the one image that without being a photo of her, means "Mom" to me.



Women are Complicated...

Hysterically, someone asked me for some suggestions on women.  Well, I may have told that person that they have no idea what they are doing when it comes to women and that they needed some help.  Although, I didn't really think I was the person that should provide the advice. 

So, here goes nothing in my favorite format, a numbered list. 

1. Tell a girl she is pretty, even when she is a mess.  We know we look like ish at 6am with mascara under our eyes, but if you tell her that she cute, you might get lucky and she'll make you eggs. Tell her how sexy she looks when she get all dressed up to go out to the club (and then remind her why she's coming home to you). 
2. Feed her. When she's had a long day, it’s rainy outside, and you beat her home - making grilled cheese* and tomato soup is a bazillion times more endearing than ordering take-out.
3. If you’re dating (or engaged, or married really), let her wear your hoodie.  It smells like you and it’s comfy and probably 2 sizes too big, but that isn’t the point.
4. Make it Facebook official.  Your relationship status doesn’t have to say that you’re dating, or even that it’s complicated (which it probably is), just post something that she will know means you’re thinking about her.  If you told her you’d take her out for Chinese food, make your status say you can’t wait for Chinese food on Friday night.  She'll know you’re thinking about her, and your boys won’t call you out for being lame. 
5. Text her.  Sort of like Facebook official, just say hi and let her know you’re thinking about her.  It’ll keep her from crazy stalking you and why wouldn’t you want to send her a text just to say hi?  I know, more effort than most men want, but it will get you closer to your end game anyway. 
6. Let her be herself.  But, push her out of her comfort zone.  I know, women are a walking contradiction.  If you know she likes wine, take her out to a winery. Even if she don’t really like being outdoors, ask her to go on a nature walk if that’s your thing.  I’m not saying that Carrie Bradshaw and Survivorman would be a good fit, but if you agree to take a walk rather than hike up a mountain, it could be a great afternoon for both people. 
7. Do.not.make.sex.jokes.  It’ll happen when it happens.  When you’re both ready for it to happen.  This is not high school, do not poor Zima down her throat and expect her to peel off her clothes/let you do it for her and have sex in the shower.  If she does, she's not worth your time and please move on and find a woman who makes you do #1 several times before she actually sleeps with you. 
8. When she needs you to, hold her.  There will be days, hours, minutes, moments where you can't make it right or make the hurt stop.  She needs someone sensitive and supportive, yet strong enough for both of you. Pour her a glass of wine, give her your hoodie (see 3), and hold her tight. It's like being 4 and having a nightmare, sometimes all it takes is a tight squeeze and a kiss on the forehead to make the world seem right again. 
9. Give her space.  I know, I just told you to do all of these sweet and kind things for her.  But there is a reason that the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" exists.  Remember that you don't need to spend every waking moment together, even when you want to.  Go for a run with the boys, go for a drink with coworkers, have dinner with your mom.  You will be better people together if you are strong and independent people separately. 
10. Be the man your Mom raised you to be. Thar hard working woman that raised you, taught you right from wrong, and how to tie your shoes.  The sacrifices she made for you will not be for naught.  Bring home the girl that you know will help your mom in the kitchen, pull weeds with your dad, and build legos with your nephew.  If you family can't get along with her, there is probably a reason behind it.  Most people don't hate others just for the hell of it.  

There are some awesome suggestions via Esquire Magazine (not that I read the whole thing, but I agree with all of the things a man should be at age 27).

And, Good Luck.   

*completely unrelated - do you call it grilled cheese or toasted cheese? 

Friends Get You Through

I did not want to entertain last night, I did not want to drink, I just wanted to sit on the sofa and watch Honey Boo Boo*. 

Kevin, Brian, and Andrew had other ideas. I got home from a fantastic 12 hour day at work, to find 3 hungry men in the living room.  13 chili dogs later (yes, seriously), we were West Chester bound.  How does that happen you ask?  Truthfully, I have no idea.  Except that Brian, Kevin, and Andrew make such a fun grouping that they'll convince you to do anything.  Anything last night involved going to the bar at 9pm and staying until 1am.  Add in two towers of beer, a 40th birthday party, and some "people watching" and it was a quality night.

Not the Saturday night I had planned, but for hours (or maybe an hour), I didn't think about anything but drinking, my friends, and crazy college kid antics.  These are the kind of people that I know will help me through the tough times, and celebrate the good times. Thanks guys, for being some of the greatest friends a girl could ask for. And special thanks to my awesome Husband for being so cute (and humoring E's need for photos).

*Note: I've never actually seen that show, but have heard so much about it, that I decided it was worth a shot. Now I still haven't seen it, so I guess I'll add that to my "to do" list.

Missing Her

I have this huge plan to write a great post about my Mom's battle, the one that she fought with dignity down to the very end. But it is hard.  Hard to get through the first sentence without crying, impossible to include all of the things that made her so amazing, and unimaginable that I'll never get to experience those times and moments again.

There are no words to explain how lost, sad, and empty I feel now and have felt for the last 17 days.  There is no one on the other end of the phone to make me laugh, convince me that my staff isn't out to get me, or commiserate about Kev working 2nd shift.  There is no email waiting for me at 7:30 that says "Good Morning Glory" along with a wish that I have a great day.  I saw the first ad for the Christmas Lights at Longwood that will start the Saturday after Thanksgiving today.  That was the thing I always did with Mom and Grammy Moyer.  And now, in less than a year, they are both gone.  I love love love that display, but I think I might skip 2012.

I'll probably be absent from the general blogging world for a while, including writing and commenting.  Currently my Google Reader has 745 posts in it that I haven't read, and I honestly have no interest in reading about the fun things that other people are doing.  How fun is life when I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and have yet to sleep through the night.  Moving on with my life isn't worth it if she isn't here to share in my joy, my happiness.  I'm well aware this probably sounds melodramatic, but getting out of bed and taking a shower takes more energy than I have.  And work, oh please. 

I miss you Mom, more than I could ever put into words.  I would never change a moment of our time together, but I sure wish there was more of it.  I know that I will miss you every day, for the rest of my life, but you will always be my mommy.  I Love You.

3 Years - What?!

Happy 3rd Anniversary to my amazing husband

To the man who has stuck with me through good, bad, and worse - thank you.  You are the reason I wake-up each morning, and the force that has gotten me through the last 1096 days.  I can't wait to see where the next 1, 3, and 30 years take us on this amazing journey together. Thank you for making me laugh when sh*t got tough, thank you for giving up eating out so I could send care packages to my #1 soldier.  Thank you for learning to love vegetables and being adventurous in new restaurants. Thank you for supporting my crazy endeavors and understanding when I need to cry. Thank you for being you, and allowing me to be me.

I Love You with all my heart.

Tuttie